I could drive off Chapman’s Peak and into the ocean… “She lost control around a bend,” they’d say. Hanging would be a logistical nightmare.īut a car accident would be easy. An overdose of pills doesn’t always work and I couldn’t find any mention of exactly what to take and how many. Still I kept searching for the answer I was so desperate to find. I was in pain and ending my life would take away that pain. That I wouldn’t be remembered as a coward. That they wouldn’t see me as the failure I was convinced I was. That they would never know that I had decided to take my own life. I wanted to take my life, to end the pain, to release those who loved me from the torment I presented them with every time I had a depressive mood.īut it had to look like an accident so that they would mourn for me and remember me for who I was rather than the way I had ended it. For hours I searched for the perfect solution. I have to close the browser now.īut back in 2014 I didn’t. ![]() ![]() ![]() My hands are sweaty and my stomach is twisted in knots. On the first page I read – "Making suicide look like an accident" "what’s the best way to kill yourself but make it look like an accident" "making a suicide like some random accident" "top 20 suicide methods: fastest and painless suicide methods…" Today, I just typed in those same words – Google spat out 937 000 results in 0.75 seconds.
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